Rest in Peace, Toriyama

     I don't even know what to say. I usually make posts about my personal life, but Dragonball was so personal to me and building my personality... I'm just gonna write about my brief history with it...

     I always knew Dragonball existed, but never engaged with it... My mom wouldn't like it because it was violent... So I only watched Sonic, which he always had a super transformation, obviously inspired from Dragonball Z. I started keeping up with a sprite animation series called "Super Mario Bros Z" and many other Dragonball inspired animations on youtube, newgrounds and many other media hosting websites. Finally I got to engage with the series around 2009. I had moved to the United States for a while and things were rough. I didn't have any friends there and was just a little kid with nothing but my PSP to spend time with. While in a gamestop store, they were having a big sale, and I picked up the game "Dragonball Z Shin Budokai Another Road". Needless to say I was fascinated by it. The characters, the power ups, the  transformations... Everything about the game was so exciting and fun. Many amazing moments I had with it, figuring out the gameplay, unlocking characters... 

     As I moved back to my home country, my uncle was a huge dragonball fan his entire teenagehood. He had moved out of town and left his entire dragonball and dragonball Z manga collection behind with my grandma. Needless to say, I was curious as hell and began reading it. I was just enticed about Goku getting stronger, faster and wiser with his training. Even as a kid, no one could stop him... It was amazing. That was my favourite aspect about Dragonball, the training and becoming stronger. Throughout Z, I will never forget my favourite moment... Goku's 100x gravity chamber training before arriving on Namek. That story about realizing you're alone in the world and there are massive problems out there that no one will be able to solve for you, like Goku realizing he has to defeat Frieza, was a message that stuck within my heart.

    Needless to say, I kept up with the series. Had a shitty computer back in the day, but really wanted to download a dragonball game on it. There was this Quake 3 mod called "DragonBall Bid for Power" i installed and had some fun with... I remember looking up animations on youtube about it... Like the Goku vs Superman from Death Battle. Things just kept going. I pirated Xenoverse and played it on my pc, I would keep talking about the newest Dragonball Super episodes with my high school friends. I remember being so hyped about seeing Goku use Kaioken on top of ssblue, watching the Goku Black arc, finding out Mai was alive, seeing Vegito again... And especially, the Ultra Instinct transformation on episode 110. I got emotional with that one... Got so enthusiastic seeing all the reactions about it online.

    I had many more memories with Dragonball... I can't list them all here or else it would be too long... Regardless, I am heart broken. Toriyama passed away a bit too young and I am really shattered. So many good memories this guy brought me along with the people he worked with. I guess I'm gonna have trouble sleeping today... I'll leave you with an emotional soundtrack that stuck with me from the game that got me into DBZ...

Thanks Toriyama

Must I survive.

    As you may have guessed, things just keep getting worse. I don't wanna get into too much detail, but yeah, a load of relationship, financial and psychological issues combined. A cake with all those ingredients that I am tired of eating. I realize that now, I need to be alone, focus on my own life. Be colder, embrace a more mature part of me. No one needs to know or be a part of my problems. Nor should they be. I am in this desert alone. Need to be alone and walk through it alone. I just need to focus on the things that are advantageous to me, with my feet on reality. That's what I need.

Will post in a couple of months or so.

Unpacking

     Hello ladies and gentlemen. Apologies for not posting monthly, just too much to do and too many problems to work through since then... Like, had to go through apendicitis surgery and recovery, finally managed to get my driver's license after the 4th try and finally finished my animation work contract that ended in beginning of December. So yeah. I'm good, thankfully. Still having some anxiety episodes now and then, but I'm doing well. Finally managed to save up a decent amount of money so I can try to make my own living by following this financial mentor I have a class with every weekday. Things are looking up. I think it's best to not talk much doing bad life events and just bite the bullet. It just stirs up the stress even longer and there will never be anything new to talk about. So that's what I did.

    So I'm back to being anxious, despite taking the medicine, but this is due to a specific occasion; that I'm moving out in January. Yeah... It's been more than 5 years since I moved in and out of my old house and the moving truck just came by today and I helped load everything in it with my dad. It was tiresome, because I also spent yesterday and the entire night organizing my stuff in boxes so they could be taken out. We're staying here with changes of clothes for 2 weeks until we really move out. I'm a bit worried about taking my cats on the plane and the electronics. But it must be dealt with, regardless, at least we'll give the little felines some pills to calm them down before the flight...

    Speaking of my cats, about a week ago I think my male cat Floyd lost a life lol. Basically we we're closing the automatic controlled gate and he tried to escape and got caught by the neck on it and panicked until we got him off. The poor bastard is ok, however he did declaw one of his own nails and hurt the others, while hurting his little sister Pink in the process, as she tried to help him. Actually pooped and peed himself in desperation. It was awful, I'm glad I didn't see it, but simultaneously wish I was there to help. No bones were fractured though, so thank God for that, he's pretty much fine except for getting a little infection on his paw from the wound which we're trying to treat with a little cream the vet prescribed to him. Unfortunately he tries to lick it, so I've ordered a soft harness that will arrive tomorrow by delivery and hopefuly he won't be able to free himself from it.

    So yeah, hopefully we can get all of that sorted out before the flight in early January. Meanwhile, I'm also trying to finish a small fan-animation for the franchise I worked on at this studio as a tribute to them, hopefully gathering their interest for future hiring as well, since I can't count on 100% success of this trading investment method, at least not so soon. I've been trying to trade on Forex for quite a while now in 2023, but with no good constant results, hopefully I can manage to get the hang of it by March next year when my mentorship program ends. It seems practical so far and I'm positive with the simulator... Hopefully I can keep this up.

    In any case, moving out soon. Just want to get this over with, but I'm glad I was able to finish my contract before the animation software license expired and got my driver's license before moving out. Now I just gotta focus on finishing this fan-made project and studying by the end of the year, I have approximately 1 week for that. On another note, I am actually worried about my sister staying in this town, we've been fighting this entire time but it seems I finally managed to make peace with her and feel a little sad and anxious about leaving her here living with her friend. I just have to trust God now.

 

Onward to a new year, now I have a horizon  I can see.

Here's to less lucid trips to nightly melancholy

In light of what I met glee, the made star traced phantom

I hereby fathom I may travel to it gracefully

 

 A little frutiger aero playlist, for your relaxation

     As always, thanks for reading and I'll post soon after the moving process. Don't know how long it'll take, but stay tuned, I also may be able to post the fan-made animation if I can confirm it with the studio... Thanks, Merry Christmas and a soon 2024.

Ether

    Hey there, I'm back again. I should be asleep, but I needed to post something. So I wasn't too sure about what to say here. The month is almost over and not a single post, that's because nothing too eventful has happened.. Just play this before reading (like I always post), an relaxing ambience sound that reminds me of the good days of my childhood. The loading/options theme from Megaman x8. So the thing is before I downloaded this game for pc at around 2011, I used to have it for ps2. And that console, for the faulty (but fun) hardware that it was, sometimes the game would get stuck on this loading screen. Just looking at it now I feel a sense of bliss, safety, nostalgia from those days. (Also a very old memory of me playing it with my old friend Kevin at home). It's just so pure. Reminds me of the days there were much less wrong things with reality than today... I even remember the day and place I bought this game. I tried adding it to the homepage of the blog, so it would play automatically when someone visits it, but it's a little difficult for the moment. Regardless, it's a special theme for me:

 

     Looking and listening to it feels like you're connecting to an utopian and calm future of the series. Where robots are practically human and the surroundings are so beautiful, calm and this waiting room in particular. Feels like a place between here and the afterlife. Looking at the screen is like a surreal place I've seen in my dreams. An enclosed location where I could live, the society is futuristic, people go on about their lives well, everything is aesthetically pleasing, nothing is complicated and every waking moment is something to look foward to. I guess I love it so much  since it helps me escape. Since currently I realistically have little to none of the things I just said. I wish I could go back in time. Back to the days life felt this meaningful. Almost fantasy-like. It's like I wish I started out fresh in a new, better universe. No matter how much I try, I can never manage it, or find something more intriguing and meaningful to look foward to. Things just aren't the same.

     This goes back to the previous posts about a concern one of my friends brought up to me about me being immature. Still worried that is the case, but since then, I haven't changed much I think. Still trying to get myself to work harder, on my own projects, trying to make more money, still a bit anxious about the variety of things that can go wrong and still in my room. For the things that have changed, I'm taking prescribed drugs from a psychiatrist again (yes, even though I wish I didn't have to), finished my neuropsychological exam, going to the gym more often, eating a bit healthier (i think) and sometimes managing to sleep better. My relationship with God is still questionable, I go days without saying anything, since I don't know what to say. I ask for things that aren't given to me, so maybe I should just shut up. Bible says we have to trust on His will so, I'm attempting to do that, but I'd be lying if I said it didn't make me uncomfortable... I mean, we can't see or interact with Him directly and we must still entrust our lives into the invisible. It is an honest concern of mine, as a christian. Because otherwise, everything else just rolls out as normally as you would expect for any other person, I suppose.

    Sigh, on the smaller details, I don't know where I'm going. I mean, I'm nearly out of money, dependant on my parents' help, I don't have a good opportunity to interact with a potential romantic partner, I've become afraid of going to places unknown to me. In other words, still feeling humiliated, pathetic and with low-self esteem. But at least the anxiety wore off with help of the meds and I feel a little bit better about my body because of the workout. It's just that things develop too slowly for comfort. I mean, it's like that for everyone, I know... But man... It just feels like my ideal future, being married, a good artist, financially stable and confident self is just too far away.

    More of the same, like my previous posts. I suppose things may have stopped getting worse at least, but they're still. So I don't know. Maybe it's because I stopped. I sleep late and wake up late. I can only work well at the end of the day and don't feel like getting up every morning to face the world. I honestly don't. Nearly all the expectation I had of a bright future are kind of shattered, I'm just going with the flow. Hoping I'll get some good working habits out of this new job of mine soon, that the investments will work well, that I'll look more fit and that I'll find the right person to marry. In the meantime, I'll be here, talking about the current situation. Please hope and pray for me.

   A little something to note, you may notice on the other posts I'm labeled as Darkjet and others as hypermugen. Not to worry, it's me regardless, it's just that I have two accounts. Idk why but it just automatically logs me in as hypermugen. I guess it's just that Blogger has a bad support from Google currently. Well, not that I'd blame them... Nobody uses blogger anymore nowdays.

    On a last saying, hopefully positive, I feel something calling to me. Whenever I experience something like this options theme music from MMX8, I feel like something inside of me needs to respond, not just remember when I had experienced it. It's memorable for a reason... So,  I suppose one of the things that's changing considerably in me is trying to comprehend that voice. Then I'd have to act. How? I don't know. But generally makes me think of the games and animations I'd want to produce for myself and the world. I just don't understand why it's so hard to bring myself to do it. However it's a direction. A direction that pleases me. It's one of those moments that just feels right. Create a place, a "paradise" if you will, for both my body and mind. The Bible speaks about the will of God being good, perfect and pleasurable (Romans 12:2). If anything feels divine in my life, it's this. Hopefully it's an indication to connect the dots. Anyway, take care. Hopefully I may release a new update soon.

 

Axl's slumber. (mmx8 cliff hanger ending)

Confessions...

    Dark days, ladies and gentlemen, dark days. I shared the video above cause it relates to how I feel. Things are chaotic, nothing settling down, I've become a paranoid man and probably lost a bit of my sanity. So I just imagine myself if I could leave it all behind and be in that wooden log house you see above, with the never ending calm rain to surround you. I wish I had that.

    I don't want to say I want to die, leaving family and friends behind is too cruel, plus believing in my God, that would likely be an eternal debt to pay. Well, to talk about what's going on, (in addition to my previous post), my father had to go through an apendicitis surgery which had me anxious for a while, plus now he figured out he has a kidney problem. It was extreme nervousness thinking he was waiting for the result and in my mind I could only reflect on his potential death (with the surgery or some greater sickness like cancer or an infection). Well, in other news, my internet browser was lagging considerably, thankfully it was just a buggy extension I was using. I also had a buggy call today from my friend which didn't really happen, but I received it, even though it shows no history on his phone. Sigh, why am I saying all this? Nothing too serious has happened yet? Well, in the case of my dad I think about the people I've lost, which anyone can actually die in the blink of an eye. Then these problems with my browser and my phone got me remembering the trauma with my accounts being hacked last year. Yeah. It sounds like it really shouldn't bring me down, but it does. I'm very weak at the moment. I even had a scheduled appointment with my therapist but even she got sick and had to go to the hospital.

    I tried praying, begging God for mercy to go through these tough times, for him to ease this suffering, help me get back on my feet and tell me what He wants from me, if my dreams are to become a reality. In all honesty, I'm really afraid, afraid of everything going wrong or going worse than they already have. I begin to think maybe this is punishment for how I've taken my life. I don't like lies, I should leave everything in the light. In this desperate attempt to clear my mind and be back to normal, maybe God wants me to acknowledge what I've done wrong. Here are the deepest ones.

1. Sloth. I'm a lazy person. I don't say this lightly. I actually went weeks without working in home office, it was the best paying job I ever had, even so I disliked my job and wouldn't work for it. Thinking God and fate would help me get the job I wanted and I didn't deserve that job and wanted more. Done that with quite a few clients and job applications. I don't deliver on time, not even for my own projects. Needless to say I'm jobless at the moment, and on the worst moment yet as well since my dad has to work in his projects while recovering from his current health condition and I cannot help him financially. If I had this job still, I'd be supporting this home all by myself. It's not burnout, I have to swallow my pride and admit it, I am a very lazy man. Not to mention I wake up late. Go to sleep late (usually because I'm watching youtube, playing video games or watching porn) and wake up late. My parents get upset and I didn't take them seriously enough. Used to go to sleep at around 4,5 or even 6 o clock and wake up at around noon or 1 or even 2 hours later. Even worse some days I didn't even sleep for the whole night but after lunch I would feel sleep and rest the entire afternoon and trigger another entire cycle of being a night owl. Now I manage to go to sleep at 2 or 3 am and wake up at 10, which is an achievement for me but still laughable. Honestly I deserve to be jobless now.

2. Lustful. I'm a porn addict. I think I already mentioned this and a couple of other points. I'm addicted to it and somedays I can't go without relieving myself. Worst is I've been hooked on really fringe erotic material, won't get into too much detail to avoid vulgarity obviously, but it's degrading and humiliating. Would stay on my mind afterwards and bring me great anxiety as I observed my dream self fade away into a corrupted and disgusting being. I deserve to be single now.

3. Narcissistic. I've thought of myself superior to others for a good while. I've thought of myself as this high and mighty, proud guy, with an artistic touch and other people not being worthy of my time or speaking to me, too common or too mundane. That has happened for a good while, even with closer people (although a lot of those times I was just shy or unsure of myself) but it's time lost that will never be recovered. Many potentially great relationships lost, many missed opportunities, just by being a more humble person I could've been in a better place now. I deserve to feel alone now.

4. Waiting for death. Waiting for my pain to ease, with my life achievements fulfilled and bringing honor to people I love and to God but at the same time worried about if I do perish earlier, my family and friends will have to proceed without me. A conundrum, a contradiction if you will.  Sometimes I envy people who lived a good life and are reaching their end. Sounds dark, I know. I said earlier I didn't want to die. Well, I kinda do, want to die of old age. Accomplished, with things I wanted to do in life done and finished and then meet my maker. I guess we all want the same, but I will admit when things are going sideways, I still deep down look at it as a last resort. I feel like I can't live like other people, especially considering I may never achieve my most desired dreams. I deserve to feel desperate now. Shouldn't be mentioned that any christian would greatly await Jesus' return at this point.

5. Hateful. I've grown to hate some people. Wether it'd be their races or genders, things I built up throughout my life and maybe I can never go back. All those traumas and lot of political exposure made me feel and think this way. Could it be evil in the eyes of God? Yes, it could. But it is my genuine truth. I have a deep bias against some, won't mention it here since that's not the focus of this post, but it's the real truth. It's not just for the memes. From some experiences I've had politically, relationship-wise, content consuming, it's how I grew up to be. Frankly people I'd never wish to forgive. I deserve to be miserable.

6. Paranoid. Beyond all these traumas and instances I had to deal with. I'm paranoid, paranoid of dealing with people that try to harm me. Even though is biblical we should only be afraid of God, the life here can still be quite concerning, quite painful. That worries me when trying to find a potential mate and she realizing how insecure I am about many things. Many of which aren't real but feel real. I failed my driving exam again and felt too insecure about taking it again this monday so I left it for someone else to take it. I wanted to not have to work much, just have my hobby, endless time to spend with my family and future wife. Be rich, have a great secluded home where no one could harm me. Like that cabin in the video. Maybe I deserve to have low self-esteem.

7. Where is God? The most shameful truth is sometimes I do doubt Him. And yes, I'm sure he knows what I'm thinking and my secrets. Deep down I'm worried what I've been fed my life is a lie and I would've been better off otherwise. Would I? I don't know. When things are desperate I can only lay down and hope God will attend to me. Sometimes for a split second I consider that possibility or if it is another god I haven't seeked that's out there. That is a truth, unfortunately. It is a lack of faith in my part but remember I'm telling my truth here. Or if He's not that well intended, or if by some mistake I'm not saved. I even considered the "mark of the Beast" mentioned in the Bible to possibly be a "good" thing, in the sense that it would give people more security, since I have all these worries and traumas of dealing with multiple accounts and their security (for those of you who don't know, the mark is something mentioned in the Bible that at the end of the world, people who wear it are basically the ones who don't enter Heaven). I honestly thought of that. Things that are likely blasphemous to the God I believe in. I deserve to be in Hell now.

    I think those are the deepest secrets about me now. I come clean because maybe I must. I'm weak, I need help. This is my desperate attempt to make things right, if my God sees my actions now. It is said in the Word of God many times, many instances of forgiveness. The Bible says we deserve to suffer and never be with God because of our impurity. We were never meant for that, we just have His grace because of His mercy. So, I hope this is it. I just want to have my life back together, my dignity, my security, my skills... No matter what it takes. I am left desolate and just want to be back on my feet.

    I'm afraid at this point I'm just not mature enough for my age. Too many days alone, too many opportunities missed, to many careless decisions... I'm writing this hoping God does a miracle in my life or something... Or otherwise I suppose I may just be shouting into the dark. I apologize for writing so many dark sentiments (seemingly feeling too sorry for myself), I missed an appointment with my therapist and I'm cornered, I feel like I just need to let it out a bit... Write down what I'm feeling and dealing with, compartmentalize everything.

I like this blog, even if no one sees these it's my personal diary and really a calm and peaceful place for me since I carried it for over 10 years, since I was a kid. Sometimes I look at old posts just to remember things the way they were. That's it for now. Stay safe out there and please pray for me if you read this and are able to do so. God bless and take care.

 

 

    Some last minute asmr for you, right now I just want to sleep well and forget about this mess for a while (which I'm able to do while sleeping). Listening to constant noise like this puts me at ease, especially when I see steaming come off of a nebulizer like that, you kind of with it would be a nice endless rest. Reminds me a little bit of my aunt's apartment (used to be my grandma's), where I grew up in, but the thing is I always woke up well in there with a nice view of the blue sky and clouds, pool sounds from the condo pool from far away and then this vaccumm cleaner sound from a further away apartment as well (kinda like a nebulizer) and it makes me feel good, at ease. Honestly that place is so cozy and so homey, I feel like even if I got rich, maybe I'd live there since it just feels like home. I can just drift away. It's a rest place, a place for me to run off to.

My first terrible poem

Things are not looking up. Lot of uncertainty on my life, lot of doubt, bad things have happened right after my previous post. In a nutshell, I failed my driving exam (afraid of failing again), lost investment gains, dealt with more anxiety, felt humiliated, lost my job, my respect, my security, expectations from loved ones again (of me succeeding), lost money (by purchasing a new phone), lost my confidence(thinking I wouldn't need meds or therapy again) and lost hope.

 I lost sight of myself, I lost faith. Well, with that in mind, I was reminded of a one cutscene from DMC5 where Vergil says "Curse this heavy chain, that does freeze my bones around!" right after stabbing himself. It is taken from a poem by William Blake, likely reffering to the limitations of our flesh whilist dealing with it's boundaries when being surrounded by unfortunate circumstances. 

Wether that Blake poem be reffering to temptation or the usual suffering of life, I really started to admire his interpretation of life on a spiritual manner and I wanted to write a poem as well as I looked at myself in the mirror today. I'll just call it "fruity" for no particular reason:

 

The fruit of future, absent of despair 

Deeply I gaze into it, deeply I stare.

I cannot grasp it, if not then who can?

For what could I possibly do, grow myself a hand?

To obtain the fruit of fruition,

How long must I drag this vain repetition?

A mirror then reveals a sapling unknown, 

for who can tell the tree before it is fully grown?

 

Peace was made with its masquerade, 

Now a reaper already collects it on due date

Lost, alone, fragile the plant became. 

The plant unknown, the plant with no name.

 

That plain and fruitless beacon,

Is now finally bearing, however out of season

The reflection is now see-through,

Could I blame God for this too?

Seen was a void of greatness, of amazing shame

A cornered being, the roots of myself became

No faith was found in my unending scorn

As I regrettably realized, no fruit did I borne

Might sound sad, cringy and droopy, but honestly, that's how I feel right now about the way I am left. I have nothing else to do but I still wanted to produce something, if anything. Maybe I gave too much away on the post, but I wrote it while listening to this calm breeze of a rain video. You might like to hear it as well. Pretty dang relaxing and helps you compartmentalize your thoughts.

Facing Anxiety Once More

 I know not even a month has passed and here I am with another update. But this is good, right? Maybe it's an indication of the monthly post schedule I wanted to follow, hah. Well anyway... I just wanted to start off with a soundtrack that'll ease off anyone's nerves, a game's music from the 90's that will drive you away into a state of control, bliss and fruition:

That's right, well, here I woke up once feeling like Heaven was about to fall upon me for some reason. Complete calm, for some reason that day felt like the second coming of Christ. Nothing out of the ordinary except maybe it was because of a certain lively dream I had ( I don't remember exactly what I dreamed), but I woke up new. Usually I go out to the back of the house and feel a little bit of warm sunlight and it envigorates me. Then as I went back to work this was the soundtrack I had left saved on my tabs. Kaze no Notam's entire soundtrack sounds like it comes from a dimension of hopefulness.

Anyway, I decided to start the post this way because it is how I'm beggining to deal with myself. I admit, I am an anxious person. Yes, I stopped taking meds and going to the therapist but now I'm back on it. I faced my defeat. In a nutshell I migrated from one phone to the other since my old phone stopped charging and went through a very uncomfortable process of transferring all the accounts and checking for all the security steps necessary to do so. Well, it's delicate information and it brought back to mind the trauma I developed from that one time I got hacked. It has scarred me for good. So yeah, dealt with a severe anxiety crisis while doing so. Realized I'm still very vulnurable.

Didn't help that a few days later my mom got diagnosed with a kidney infection. She seems to be fine, she took all the medications correctly, went to the doctor today again for a blood and pee sample to check if she was indeed okay and it's confirmed. As if that weren't enough to get my worries going on such a short time frame from the day I swapped my phone a week ago, today I also woke up with a chest pain and took the opportunity to also get a medical checkup. Thankfully I'm fine, the doctors tested my heartbeat and analyzed me, but it was quite a scare laying down with those wires on my chest and hoping my circulatory system was fine. Thank God everything is okay.

It's not over yet however, tomorrow I have my driving school test to see if I can get permission to drive until I get my driver's license. So still a little bit of stress and nervousness to deal with. I told this doctor about my recent anxiety event and he prescribed me some weaker pills to help settle down my anxiety. So I suppose everything is fine now, hopefully I pass the test tomorrow, if I don't, well... We'll restart like we always have, I suppose. I'm just a bit tired of losing is all. I want to be prosperous but I can't operate the market with so many things to be anxious about, I can't reach out for a woman while I'm insecure about my body, etc. Point being, I just wish I made some significant progress already. A true breakthrough. Well what about my therapist? Going well, I scheduled 2 sessions a month with her for now and she gave me a few instructions like breathing exercises, lists of things that can't escape my control (insecurities) and keep exercising.

Well this is it for now, I guess I just wanted to share that for now. Perhaps it's for the best I'm taking some time to admit I need help from family and friends. Work is unproductive though, my current job as an animator is I'm doing nothing. Oof... I just remembered I still have not finished my Self-Authoring program... Oh well, after taking the driving test tomorrow (and hopefully passing) I'll have my schedule much more flexible and free for the time being as I treat myself with more respect and care. I'm taking time off of it until I have myself figured out here. I don't like working with it anyway unless it's a hobby and maybe the pills will help me get stable to that I can successfully trade calmer. Today my mom found a white string of hair on my head. It shocked me since I'm only 24 at the moment. People say it's not that uncommon online but a lot of factors play into it, like stress. Well, that's exactly what I thought when my mom mentioned that. This anxiety thing is killing me, I need to fight it seriously since I can't afford to feel this way any longer. Edit: Yeah, I failed the driving test... Was able to reschedule it for the day after tomorrow, here goes nothing.

I'm leaving you with a little longplay of an old Spongebob movie game (Point and Click version) that I really like. It's become a typical practice of mine leaving youtube playing with the screen off on the phone either with raining sounds, aerosol sounds or a longplay of a calm game.  This one is old and forgotten, but I think it's just relaxing to watch it, especially as I doze off to sleep... Stay safe.