My first terrible poem

Things are not looking up. Lot of uncertainty on my life, lot of doubt, bad things have happened right after my previous post. In a nutshell, I failed my driving exam (afraid of failing again), lost investment gains, dealt with more anxiety, felt humiliated, lost my job, my respect, my security, expectations from loved ones again (of me succeeding), lost money (by purchasing a new phone), lost my confidence(thinking I wouldn't need meds or therapy again) and lost hope.

 I lost sight of myself, I lost faith. Well, with that in mind, I was reminded of a one cutscene from DMC5 where Vergil says "Curse this heavy chain, that does freeze my bones around!" right after stabbing himself. It is taken from a poem by William Blake, likely reffering to the limitations of our flesh whilist dealing with it's boundaries when being surrounded by unfortunate circumstances. 

Wether that Blake poem be reffering to temptation or the usual suffering of life, I really started to admire his interpretation of life on a spiritual manner and I wanted to write a poem as well as I looked at myself in the mirror today. I'll just call it "fruity" for no particular reason:

 

The fruit of future, absent of despair 

Deeply I gaze into it, deeply I stare.

I cannot grasp it, if not then who can?

For what could I possibly do, grow myself a hand?

To obtain the fruit of fruition,

How long must I drag this vain repetition?

A mirror then reveals a sapling unknown, 

for who can tell the tree before it is fully grown?

 

Peace was made with its masquerade, 

Now a reaper already collects it on due date

Lost, alone, fragile the plant became. 

The plant unknown, the plant with no name.

 

That plain and fruitless beacon,

Is now finally bearing, however out of season

The reflection is now see-through,

Could I blame God for this too?

Seen was a void of greatness, of amazing shame

A cornered being, the roots of myself became

No faith was found in my unending scorn

As I regrettably realized, no fruit did I borne

Might sound sad, cringy and droopy, but honestly, that's how I feel right now about the way I am left. I have nothing else to do but I still wanted to produce something, if anything. Maybe I gave too much away on the post, but I wrote it while listening to this calm breeze of a rain video. You might like to hear it as well. Pretty dang relaxing and helps you compartmentalize your thoughts.